For me the biggest difference in ‘having a real job’ and being self employed is my schedule. Since I swore off bartending and all forms of retail, a ‘real job’ usually involves an desk, office, computer, and something like 9 – 6, M-F. How boring! When I had the mortgage processing company I worked business hours, but my schedule was flexible – I was the boss so starting at 10 and taking 3 hour lunches was fine. But…I was also the boss, so certain things had to get done and midnight oil was definitely burned. Despite the flexibility, I always knew roughly when I would be working and when I would be off. Modeling, my schedule is totally erratic. Four 16 hour days followed by 2 weeks of no work. Right now its driving me crazy. I should be used to it by now – modeling has been my only job for 14 months, but I feel a little like a kite that’s lost its human.
After I’m done being busy and go home, a few hours into the coveted ‘doing nothing’ I get really depressed. Maybe I’ve been working too much and I’ve let my personal life/interests fall too far to the wayside, who knows. It just seems like I have nothing if I’m not working or visiting with my boyfriend or other friends…who are becoming sparse because I’m gone too damn much!!
So I sit around my house feeling miserable and like I have nothing to do, when in reality I have LOTS to do. My house is a mess, I have tons of schoolwork that needs doing, my taxes need working on, the photography hobby. It was suggested to me that I make a to do list, which didn’t appeal to me at the time, but perhaps a ‘possibilities’ list pasted on the wall might be better. Something like, Oh Jess, you’re home – Here are a few things you could do with your time…
The short version is, I don’t handle ‘not busy’ very well and I probably need an assistant or something. My boyfriend says I’m restless and I don’t disagree, I just wonder if its a problem or not.