Analysis of Self Employment

For me the biggest difference in ‘having a real job’ and being self employed is my schedule.  Since I swore off bartending and all forms of retail, a ‘real job’ usually involves an desk, office, computer, and something like 9 – 6, M-F.  How boring!  When I had the mortgage processing company I worked business hours, but my schedule was flexible – I was the boss so starting at 10 and taking 3 hour lunches was fine.  But…I was also the boss, so certain things had to get done and midnight oil was definitely burned.   Despite the flexibility, I always knew roughly when I would be working and when I would be off. Modeling, my schedule is totally erratic.  Four 16 hour days followed by 2 weeks of no work.  Right now its driving me crazy.  I should be used to it by now – modeling has been my only job for 14 months, but I feel a little like a kite that’s lost its human.

After I’m done being busy and go home, a few hours into the coveted ‘doing nothing’ I get really depressed.  Maybe I’ve been working too much and I’ve let my personal life/interests fall too far to the wayside, who knows.  It just seems like I have nothing if I’m not working or visiting with my boyfriend or other friends…who are becoming sparse because I’m gone too damn much!!

So I sit around my house feeling miserable and like I have nothing to do, when in reality I have LOTS to do.  My house is a mess, I have tons of schoolwork that needs doing, my taxes need working on, the photography hobby.  It was suggested to me that I make a to do list, which didn’t appeal to me at the time, but perhaps a ‘possibilities’ list pasted on the wall might be better.   Something like, Oh Jess, you’re home – Here are a few things you could do with your time…

The short version is, I don’t handle ‘not busy’ very well and I probably need an assistant or something.  My boyfriend says I’m restless and I don’t disagree, I just wonder if its a problem or not.

One Response

  1. Sorry to reply two years late, just discovered wordpress and am at a polar opposite predicament so I feel obliged to reply, even if you’ve solved your issue.

    Speaking from someone who works in an office 9-5 marketing for a pension company (marketing is a way of saying glorified data entry in pensions) it definitely isn’t a problem. You’ve been used to being very active, and aren’t used to being at a loose end. Having the freedom to create your own schedule is something a lot of people would love to have, and rarely anyone our age other than entrepreneurs or lottery winners get the chance. Your time off is precious and unfortunately you won’t be modelling forever so foc
    using on a new skill is a good way to creatively pass the time.

    That was probably more for me than you but hopefully you won’t feel so bad now having time off. If not, the UK is a lovely place to visit.

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